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The groom was a thirtysomething American lawyer with friends in high places, the bride a dark-eyed designer with social sheen, and the guest list a mix of family and what Noël Coward once called Nescafé Society.But the real cynosure of the occasion last August was the smiling, snowy-haired man who is the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral he attends, the 42nd president of the United States, Bill Clinton.And, among the popular defenses is that black women are not alone in these statistics.“White women do it, too” is one of the most common excuses.Tears betray your pillow and meet your lips and you wonder how betrayal has become such a faithful word in your life. You loved him when you said those vows; now it’s hard to remember what you ever loved. He didn’t know the torment I went through because of his porn addiction.

a rehearsal dinner looking out over the Eiffel Tower from the Trocadero, a garden ceremony and dancing reception in a grand château outside Paris, topped off by a private fireworks display.

You’ve tried so hard, so very hard, to measure up to everyone in your life, including yourself, and after never feeling good enough you’ve been marked with the same failure by the one who was supposed to be faithful for life: your husband. I didn’t tell him that I feared him coming in the bathroom before I finished my shower, afraid he might see my imperfections before I had a chance to mask them over with makeup and clothes. When you are tasting your tears in the middle of the night or hiding them in the middle of the day, know that God loves you just the way you are. Pain will come and go as you journey through the effects of betrayal.

Sometimes the word “husband” doesn’t want to come from your lips, much less your heart. And you don’t have to tell me these things either, because I know. Pain will enter your life, but He will comfort you when no one else is there to taste your tears. He knows your pain even deeper than I—a fellow wife—could ever know. Let Him hold you when your husband isn’t wiping your tears. Bad days and good days will rollercoaster through your heart like they never have before. There is a gift and a protector reaching out to you.

Black men are turned off by black women they perceive as easy.

However, for white women, it works a little differently.

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